My Mind is Set…

… but on what?

Returning from Peru, I knew things have changed. I have become a different person and I view things differently now.

My relationship with A. did not survive that change. As sad as I am, looking back on a time that I truly enjoyed, I know this break-up is for the better, allowing me to be myself again. Allowing me to pursue what I realized in Peru. No more hiding my opinions because they didn’t match up with his. No more pretending interests that I don’t share with him. I can pursue what I want. Anything I want.

I don’t know what I expected from Peru. I don’t know what my intentions were. What did I hope for? What happened the night I decided it was the right thing to do? Was it the nervous stomach ache I got – the mix of fear and excitement of a new adventure? Was it the look on the map and the imagination of a new picture hanging up there on my wall? Was it me trying to impress A.? To make up for my lack of political accordance with him? But I also know that it did not come from purely selfish intentions. The first sentence I read on the IVHQ-website matched up with my New Year resolutions. We may not be able to save the world – but we can better one person’s life. Again, I know I am no superhero. But the small steps make the big difference. Spreading love among the orphans made me realize that – as cheesy as it sounds – we are one world and we do speak one universal language. A hand being held during a walk, and an ear listening to a story, and arms tangled in a hug, and children being picked up and carried around – these things make a difference in these children’s life.

My mind is set on embracing the new aspects of life that I have learned. To focus on the values that matter in life and to go out into the world and stand on my own fucking feet because I am strong and my thoughts matter.
I am going to live my life to the fullest and I am going to work hard to achieve my goals.
I promise.

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The second that lasted three months

Everything is different but nothing has changed.

April. April Second it is. Reading through my old posts made me realize how time not only flies but seems to travel with warp drive. Different than all the fitness plans that used to be my New Year resolution, I this year decided to stick to my promises.
Early February I boarded a plane despite all my fear of heights. Taking off in direction Peru.

Volunteering in Lima has truly been a life-changing experience for me. Working at a local orphanage, I have had the opportunity to establish close friendships with the children there. Looking at them when they smile, holding and comforting them when they cry, seeing the happiness in their eyes when you pick them up, hearing their laughter when you play with them, them running up to you in the morning to hug you and asking you where you were when you missed a day, these are only few of the treasured moments I got to spend with these wonderful children. In my room, there were seven children of age five, one of them was autistic and one of them had a severe mental disability of which I don’t know the name. Although these two did not know how to talk, I was able to communicate and play with them and establish a friendship. The mamitas of the orphanage take very good care of the children, however one can tell that their is a lack of motherly love in these children’s life. Organisations like IVHQ (the one I went with) give us the opportunity to spread some love among these children and we can try to give them the happy, unconcerned and simple life a five-year-old should be able to live.

And now I returned back to my hometown, trying to get used to a daily routine again. Peru only seems like a far away memory. But I don’t want it to be a far away memory. Peru impacted my life significantly. Teaching me values I care about in life, making me realize that we CAN make a difference and that I DO want to make a difference. It just depends on what I decide to use my energy on. No more online movie streaming and hanging around in my pjs all day. It’s time to get up and get my life back together.