Gratitude

After having rolled in my self-pity for days now, I have to find another outlook on life. Starting by thanking one person, who has been my rock for the last two years.

Shortly after Peru, I have moved to a new city, about two hours away from home. Excited and a little bit scared I started my new life with two fellow roommates in an old apartment in the rather bad part in town. However, it wasn’t the neighborhood that caused me troubles – no – but my roommates sure did. I only had one person back then that could cheer me up: P. My boyfriend, love of my life, P. He would stay with me every night, because I couldn’t take it to be alone. He would have his phone always on vibrate, so that he’d hear me calling even during work hours. He made sure that I knew how much he loved me.

After six months I couldn’t take it any longer, and I fled. I would walk up to the apartment door, only to turn around after having touched the doorknob. So I hid at his place. For two entire months. I just couldn’t go back there. Then I moved. I thought that was it. Things were looking up, and starting to get better. P. and I bonded over long moonlight walks by the lake, fun roller coaster rides at the fair, delicious meals in the lovely restaurant up-town, barbecuing steaks on warm summer nights, and over moments filled with laughter and joy. I soon realized, he was the one. And that I never were to let him go.

August came and I not only started a new, demanding job, but I also got to move back home. P. and I hit rough patches, but it only made us stronger. In December my job, a temporary position, came to an end. We celebrated by taking a trip over New Years. It was one of the happiest vacations in my life. I have made memories, that I will keep forever, and that deserve to be thought about every so often.

But then January hit. I just hit this empty space. I didn’t have a reason to get up in the morning, I had nothing to do, no job, no college for another 2 months, nothing. Also I had to face the fact, that I’d soon have to move back to my college apartment. Same apartment, different people. So back to square one. But I had time. I had two months that I could spend with P. all to myself. I moved in with him for six whole weeks, eternity as it seemed. Followed by two more weeks on our dream vacation in the Caribbean. I was almost sad when I got on the plane, because it meant that our six weeks together were already over. But I still had two left. And these two weeks were the most wonderful weeks in my entire life. I have started laughing again, laughing to the fullest, I have smiled at strangers, talked to waiters, made new friends, I let life carry me again and making me happy.

That was three weeks ago. Now I am back in the clean sheets of my college apartment. P. has left for mandatory military service, so I barely get to see him. But this doesn’t change anything. He is and has always been my rock. My saving branch, when I am nearly drowning. My security blanket, when I need to snuggle up. My shoulder to cry on, when I just can’t keep it in anymore. He has supported me in any way that he can and he is showing me his love day by day, every second of my life. So no matter what the future brings, he will always be the love of my life. He is my rock, my baby, my king, my hero, and my very best friend.

And that is a pretty damn good thing to be happy about.

 

P., I thank you for what you give me day by day. You are my world.