… but on what?
Returning from Peru, I knew things have changed. I have become a different person and I view things differently now.
My relationship with A. did not survive that change. As sad as I am, looking back on a time that I truly enjoyed, I know this break-up is for the better, allowing me to be myself again. Allowing me to pursue what I realized in Peru. No more hiding my opinions because they didn’t match up with his. No more pretending interests that I don’t share with him. I can pursue what I want. Anything I want.
I don’t know what I expected from Peru. I don’t know what my intentions were. What did I hope for? What happened the night I decided it was the right thing to do? Was it the nervous stomach ache I got – the mix of fear and excitement of a new adventure? Was it the look on the map and the imagination of a new picture hanging up there on my wall? Was it me trying to impress A.? To make up for my lack of political accordance with him? But I also know that it did not come from purely selfish intentions. The first sentence I read on the IVHQ-website matched up with my New Year resolutions. We may not be able to save the world – but we can better one person’s life. Again, I know I am no superhero. But the small steps make the big difference. Spreading love among the orphans made me realize that – as cheesy as it sounds – we are one world and we do speak one universal language. A hand being held during a walk, and an ear listening to a story, and arms tangled in a hug, and children being picked up and carried around – these things make a difference in these children’s life.
My mind is set on embracing the new aspects of life that I have learned. To focus on the values that matter in life and to go out into the world and stand on my own fucking feet because I am strong and my thoughts matter.
I am going to live my life to the fullest and I am going to work hard to achieve my goals.