Confusion and Confession

However, T. was not the reason for the rain in my head – he only provided the clouds. The reasons to make the water drops fall out of the clouds and roll down on my face is my best friend R. Or the one I used to call my best friend until a couple days ago.

The story is told quickly. Jealousy has overtaken her mind. This is what makes this fight so difficult. Her text came out of nowhere, leading to an immediate turn down with T. who I was with that moment, and an immediate break out of tears on my face, but the appellation as backstabber stabbed right through my mental stability.

I swear I never tried to take away her spot in the group, I swear I never meant to cut her out or leave her alone and I am sure not the reason she ended up in the hospital that one night after a party. The thing is – I can’t even cry about it because I don’t know how to fix it. I could cry, if I knew things would be alright soon, and the momentary drama will vanish. But I have no idea how to fix this. So all I feel is emptiness. She is my best friend. And I don’t know how I make her understand that I never intended to do anything to hurt her. But the jealousy, I cannot end. I am not going to stop living my life just because she doesn’t like the way I live it. It’s my life after all. I am lost. But I hope, with the announced sunshine in the paper, I will brighten up a little.

Although at the moment, I fear the thunderstorm coming in: because on Saturday night, all my will either be resolved or my makeup will dissolve itself. Because on Saturday night, we will all meet up at the big party of the year.

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